Before I dive into telling stories about my life in the cubicle kingdom, I want to take a post and share with you a few of my definitions about cube life. First of all, those of us that toil away day after day in cubes are called ‘Cubites’ (pictured above). The world we live in goes by many names, but I like ‘Cubicle Kingdom’ because we are really like serfs, ruled over by ‘Evil Cubicle Overseers’…..or ECOs, and we have our little plot of land to use to try and produce something useful for the ECOs.
To envision an ECO, just look at this picture above.
Look familiar? I’m sure it does. And this poor sap is just getting a request to get his reports in on-time. Imagine if the ECO was REALLY upset!
I thought we’d begin our adventure of exploring the cubicle kingdom by discussing one the lovely traits associated with our daytime homes…..the smells.
Have you ever noticed how your office usually takes on the aroma of a crazy cross between a street market, a strip club, and a musty basement that hasn’t seen the light of day for 30 years? Oh, and don’t forget the dry erase markers….enjoying those during meetings is the office equivalent of hanging out in a drug house…..and it’s legal!!!!!!!
Every day I try to breath really deeply on my way to work (without passing out and running into a light pole) to get as much fresh air into my lungs before I descend into the deep caverns of stale recycled air that is my office building. And then when I escape the caverns after work my first breaths are like a 20 year smoker experiencing fresh air for the first time….lots of coughing and hacking.
It starts in the morning with all the guys and gals showing up fresh from applying WAY too much cologne and perfume. And when you walk the halls it’s like passing through the exhaust trails of cars and airplanes…..the odors linger for minutes! And it doesn’t take long to learn everyone’s scents….just like in the wild. There goes Bill…there goes Nancy…..wow so and so must be desperate today…..and did that manager REALLY pay for something to smell that way?!?!?
Then there’s lunch……sometime between 11 and 11:30 the smells of all sorts of foods waft their way over the cubicle walls to burn your nostrils. Many times I come home smelling like I’ve been working in a restaurant all day. Chinese, Indian, Italian, pizza joint, burger joint, fried everything joint….you name it, I’ve eaten there without eating there.
And kinda finally there are the musty book smells that emanate from the fuzzy cubicle walls and carpet that are ‘sort of’ cleaned ‘somewhat’ regularly. In my office the carpets are cleaned by a Zamboni looking thing, and once it passes by it definitely does NOT smell Fabreeze fresh!….more like ‘stick my head in a sewer’ fresh…..
And let’s not even mention the mysterious and deadly odors that seep out of the toilets……that’s for another post….
Right now I need to go get some fresh air……whew…..