In order to make it in the cubicle kingdom, it’s very important to know and live by the “Cubicle Weenie Rules of Survival”.
Today we’re going to review Rule #1: Always Look Busy
I’m sure this is advice you’ve heard before and are saying “ya ya Lead Cubite, tell me something I don’t know!”.
Well……the key is in HOW you look busy. And that’s where most advice columns and ‘experts’ get things wrong. So I’m going to cover my suggestions below. Because if you’re not convincing then you’re creating an even bigger problem for yourself…..Overseer scrutiny!
So one trick I like to use is to always walk around with a pad of paper and pen (as seen above). This makes it look like you are always going to or coming back from a meeting. And make sure to have some scribbles on the paper so it looks like you’ve been busy taking notes. It doesn’t matter what’s actually written, just that SOMETHING is written. So let’s see what’s on my important list….
Hmmmmm…..groceries, the phone bill, lunch plans……sounds like I was at a very important meeting, huh?
Another trick I like to use is to ‘walk with a purpose’. This means don’t amble wherever you’re going….walk with a brisk gate and a determined / focused look on your face…..like if you don’t make it to the restroom you’re going to have a mess in your pants! This will make everyone think you’ve got a lot going on….even if you’re just heading around the halls for exercise or down to the coffee bar for a little ‘pick me up’!
That’s all for now…..I’ve got a very important meeting to go to!
OK, today we’re going to discuss the perfect cubicle design. How you lay out your cube is very important because it can help you either survive or perish in the cubicle kingdom.
Item #1 – Placement of your monitor and chair
This is important for obvious reasons….you don’t want people walking by to see what you’re REALLY doing. This allows you to pass the time reading your favorite book, blog, website, or anything else while still looking busy. And if anyone walks by you can always have a frustrated look on your face like you’re working on something important so they’ll just keep on walking.
Item #2 – Papers and folders and books laid out on your desk
Using this technique, it always looks like you have a lot going on and people will be impressed…especially the ECOs. They’ll be afraid to give you more work or try to pawn their work off to you because you might loose it and start running around the office like a crazy person. Fear is a powerful weapon with ECOs
Item #3 – Hiding spot for naps
Since ECOs believe that work is only being done when their Cubites are at their desks, it’s important to be able to be on display at all hours. This means that for most ‘normal’ people a nap is required to make it through a ‘supposed’ 12 hour day. Alas the need for a nap spot. I usually put mine behind a set of horizontal filing cabinets (see picture). And don’t forget to put a sticky note on your monitor saying ‘In Meetings – Back at X o’clock’.
Good luck and happy napping!