Monthly Archives: February 2016

There Are Not Enough Cubes!!!!!

Colored CubesSo here is an interesting fact about the cubicle kingdom, ECOs have trouble figuring out the right number of cubites to utilize to get their projects accomplished and make the financial performance they promised.  What that generally means is that you have new cubites parachuting into the kingdom regularly with all of the existing kingdom cubites scratching their heads as they watch.

We look on in disbelief because no one ever knows what these fresh faces are supposed to be doing….including the ECOs…..and no one knows where they are supposed to sit since the kingdom was already full before they dropped in.  And another consequence is that the number of parking spaces is inadequate.

This inevitably leads to a couple of crazy things happening….

  • People are shoved into cubicles in new and creative ways….

Crowded Cubes

  • Drastic measures occur in the car park by employees to ensure they do not get stuck in the ‘remote’ secondary lot.

Bad Parking

In the case of my company (where of course these are problems) they secured secondary parking down the street.  But of course no one wants to park there because it requires exercise to reach ones’ cubicle, and the path ‘may’ be poorly lit and require crossing a busy road….but come on cubites, this makes commuting a sport!!!!

So here is what I have come to as a solution….and I’m going to submit it to our Kaizen team which is that crazy group that looks at making ‘minor’ improvements in multiple areas to increase efficiency for the whole company (all phony money of course!).

OK, so my idea is….drum roll please…..limit the number of employees to the number of parking spaces…..crazy, I know!!!!  I’m sure that I will win an award or something from the company and be heralded as a genius of modern business design!  True it’s not as sexy as the suggestion of putting water coolers more frequently around the office so people don’t have to spend as much time walking to get water…….

But hey, a guy can dream can’t he? :-)

 

Secret of Survival #2: Leave Your Brain Outside

brain

I am often asked “Jack, how do you keep from going crazy in the cubicle kingdom dealing with the ECOs?….they always are changing their minds and slowing progress on projects with their crazy requests for 15 ‘status’ reports and multiple ‘alignment’ meetings and not being able to make a decision!”.

Well, my answer is simple….leave your brain outside the cubicle.  Have a nice resting spot for it in your car or locker in the building, but DO NOT TAKE IT INTO YOUR CUBE!!!!!  Doing so is like mixing matter and anti-matter….BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!Exploding headYou see, when you try to use your brain at work you get all wrapped up in trying to think logically, and that is never a good thing because….well….work and ECOs are illogical.

spok-illogicalIn fact, I have yet to see any situation in the cubicle kingdom that really makes any sense.  Strategies, goals, budgets, HR, products developed, ‘action plans’, ‘tiger teams’, and on and on.

People come to my cube to vent and be consoled about their ‘unique’ situation….and all I tell them is “stop using logic”.  They usually shake their heads and walk away knowing my advice is sound.

Then when I see them later in the day I ask how things are going and they repond with a smile on their face “wonderful!, I was able to force that square peg into the round hole and got a big pat on the back by my ECO!”

….I rest my case :-)